Sunday, September 27, 2009

This is a Story about Honesty and what we should not do

The Date

According to a MountainWings subscriber. . .

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in
Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two
years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from
Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date but has
never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and
musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they
make dinner plans for Saturday night.

Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies and
drinks like Prohibition is coming back.

Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it
through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the
bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop
throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20
minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's
afraid he won't ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester and take the train to New York
City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and
he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom.
They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but
he has to go back again during the entrees.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels
another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete
bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the
rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up.

He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at
the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little
bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh no!" he
thinks (and feels the surprise). Instead of running to the
bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of
his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains
this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out
what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell or (b) start
to show stains on the outside.

He quickly pays for dinner, and they leave the restaurant.
Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy.

On the way to the train station, they pass The Gap clothing

"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was
looking at last week?" he asks.

"No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies.
They go into The Gap. Fortunately, at The Gap, men's fashions
are on the right, women's are on the left. They split up.

Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach and hurries
back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely
resembles his current outfit, he brings both items to the
register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of
the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the
pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through
clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet
away) "Just the pants." "What?" asks the Gap girl.

"Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.)
Gap girl: "Oh, OK."

He pays for the pants and walks over to his date; then they
leave the store. They board the train just before it leaves the
station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without
sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom
in the back of the car.

He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly
rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball
and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he
opens the Gap bag and pulls out...

just the sweater.

1 comment:

  1. Please forgive me for posting this story,,,
    I just could help myself!